Tag Archives: random

Rambling About My Problems (Again)

Now Listening To: You Be The Anchor That Keeps My Feet on the Ground by Mayday Parade/She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer

Hey guys.

I’m not really sure what to write about, so I’m just going to ramble again.

As of two days ago, my sister was kicked out of the house. Not for good, but “until she makes some changes to her behavior”. I agree with my mom, that my sister needs to change how she treats my mom and does her chores. But she’s my sister. When she left, I cried for two hours. I’m not sure what to do though. I need to function normally, and I shouldn’t let myself just sit like a shell. But I feel like I’m betraying my sister by going on. I know she will be back soon, but acting like she didn’t have an effect on our home makes me feel sick. I know she wants to come home. I still see her at school, and yesterday we all went to therapy together. She sobbed about wanting to come home, but my mom said no. I understand that the shock factor of her leaving was the only way to get through her, but I’d much rather do all of my sisters work with my own than have her not home. It’s just… quiet. We used to always joke together. We have so many inside jokes, and we’re always silly together. We discuss the latest music in kpop, the latest videos by our favorite vloggers. Now… it’s just quiet. I have nothing to do. Hm.

And of course I can’t go a few days without being in romantic toil. The person I like, that I thought I got over, came back like a bang since I came back to school. I tried distancing myself, but it didn’t really work. All that did was make me feel even worse since it didn’t really effect them at all.  But now we’re kind of talking. They’re just as amazing as I remembered, but memory did no justice. So many people are interested in them, and they come to be to ask about relationships. Interesting. Also, someone very dear to me likes them, probably loves them, so theres noway I can do anything. I guess I can just stew in self pity and jealousy.

I should note that I love them as a friend. I’ve known them for about three years, but romantically I only like them. I learned my lesson from being to eager to make drama for myself last year and just overwork everything.

I guess this year has just been bleh so far. In my educational life, it’s been pretty good actually. I have a few tests to retake in Algebra II, but everyone does.

I don’t really have anything else to say. So until next time guys. Good luck in whatever you do!

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Today Is The Day

Today is the last day of school. I was supposed to go to the park with the rest of my grade, but I have to stay and work. Which honestly, I’m completely fine with. Yeah, I wish I could go to the lake with my friends, but I want to pass my classes too. I have six (possibly nine, I don’t know if I passed some yet) math tests, two English tests, and a paper finish, edit, and rewrite. I’m staying until at least 4:00 after school too. i will be doing nothing but Geometry and Honors English literally ALL day. But then I get to go to The Fault In Our Stars, so it’s okay. Okay?

My poor sister had the story spoiled for her on Twitter. She was really REALLY mad. It was kind of funny, but I still felt bad. Having the ending spoiled for you is terrible

Now I have to go take geometry tests… Wish me luck!

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Today Was A Bad Day

I don’t know, but I’m just really sad. I have so much school work to do in two days, I don’t get to go on the school field trip because I’m failing two classes, and the teacher handing out Presidential Education Awards to our class said, “I don’t think these awards just show intellectual strength, it also shows how much effort and hard work you use”. Over half the class got one of the awards. Every single one of my friends got one. It just made me feel like I didn’t do any work, like I didn’t try hard enough. My mom is convinced that I’m not giving it my all, and that I’m fine with failing my grade. I just feel like nobody has faith in me, and even when I try my hardest I am nowhere close to being good enough. I wanted to cry during the assembly, and my eyes were all blurry, but I didn’t because my friends were so happy about their awards. I’m so tired and I want to go home but I can’t. I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep but I can’t.

I scratched my hand until it was bleeding, and nobody noticed. 

Small Spurt of Frustration

In geometry, theres a boy who sits behind me. He is actually really nice, but he kicks my frickin chair all of the time and it is one of the most annoying things in the world. He doesn’t do it to be mean though, he just does it out of habit. 

I also am failing two of my classes, and it just hit me really hard today for some reason. I’ve felt like crying but I can’t. I can’t in the middle of class. 

Well This is New

 

Wearing a dress for the first time since I was seven, I actually feel kind of pretty. Still awkward and not drop dead gorgeous, but pretty. I actually don’t have to wear it for the whole day, but I think I’m going to. I’m nervous though, I don’t like being stared at, but the quiet, weird, tomboyish, “lesbian” girl going around in a dress with no known event will probably weird some people out. But I’m determined to see this through- no matter how embarrassed I get. Hopefully it goes well, and I don’t have a panic attack…

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